Apparently this week is about learning lessons.  Yesterday the blog was about purging all the negative from my life.  This post was written before, but the end was missing or perhaps I needed to write about purging first.

Asking for and accepting help
Asking for help is so foreign to me that I have been caught totally off-guard during the mastermind when they ask “what do you need help with?” Last week I almost cried. Afterward Lynette Patterson (amazing health coach) talked with me this and not only for things that I need, but things I want. We talked about me also accepting help when it was offered.

Then Paul McIntosh is on Skype the next morning asking “How may I help you?” Freaking me out again. I was raised to do everything myself, I can do home repairs, change the oil in my car etc… because “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” Yet not accepting someone’s offer to help is denying that person’s chance to give. Not asking for help is refusing to allow someone a possibility to give.

New Routine
Trapper Sherwood is helping me in bed (he’ll love that wording) No, his sleep secret is helping me sleep. Then I wake with energy, enthusiasm and joy because of Wendi’s Wake Up Cds. I listened to a program that said when you need more energy to move as much as you can for 2 minutes. You can dance, run in place, jumping jacks, do push-ups, whatever but keep moving for 2 minutes. Not only does it make you have more energy, but gives you a mental and emotional boost.

Now:
I have conflicting coaching opinions on what to do with my website. Frankly the past few weeks have been wearing on me, many internal changes. Asking for and accepting help when I was raised to be self-reliant is incredibly hard.

This is the same as many relationships I had in my past, because I didn’t ask for anything, so was taken for everything I could do.  It opened me up for emotional abuse & abandonment.  So dumping all the negative, and expecting to be treated like I am wonderful and amazing is very cool, but very emotionally charged.  And I am still learning.  Someone told me to practice and ask my readers for something… so here it goes.

PRACTICE ASKING:
First I will ask for something I need.  I was able to get into an awesome and limited JV, and I want to prove to myself  that I can succeed…   Would you please sign up and get a Free DVD?

Now to ask for something I want.  Moody Blues helps me work.  I only have 3 CDs, (Days of Future Passed, Other Side of Life, Keys of the Kingdom) Would you send me some Moody Blues CDs or Mp3?  Here’s a wish button to make it easier, there are more, but those are the ones I know I like.

Thank you to everyone who is helping me make this transition.  Thank you for all the responses to my posts.  It helps me feel more at ease with all that seems to be happening.

Hugs and Love to each of you,
MJ

Some days I feel incredibly energized, and then a bit later I am down in the dumps, & I wonder if something is wrong.   Meanwhile a stack of boxes teeter in the living room.

Each day I look around the house.  The Knick-knacks are being checked, deciding if they have positive memories.  If not they go into a box.  If  the memory is positive I decide to keep it or share it.  The gadgets and gizmos we all have, I decide if I have used them recently or at least have a regular use for them.  No? Into the a box.

The cookie cutters I only use once a year. Yet the green Christmas trees with the non-parels, the yellow stars dusted with sugar, make me very happy. I smile seeing the cutters, in 6 months I’ll use them again.  But the cast iron corn-cob-cornbread pan?  The wok? I haven’t used them in a long time, into the box of Kitchen stuff.

Thus it has been for just over a month.  Other than trash, nothing is being thrown out.  The kitchen box once it was full, I listed it on Freecycle, within 3 days someone picked it up off my porch.  Same with pillows, blankets, even shampoos.  Currently working on filling the newest knick-knack box and office product box.   When they are full, back to Freecycle.

All this purging is emotional.  For years, one of my bedroom walls has been home to a wall covering of a tiger, a latch kit made by my then best friend.  Distance separated us so we don’t talk much anymore.  The tiger still means a lot, but after sitting with it, I realized it was time to let it go.

So I wrapped it up, gave it to my nephew on his graduation. “This was a gift made for me when I graduated, now 19 years later I give it to you,” was the note I wrote.  He ripped into the package, and almost cried when he saw it.  He loved it on my wall, didn’t know I got it when I graduated, now it was his.  He asked if I was sure, his mom, my now best friend asked as well. But it was time to let it go…

And thus with a friend who is very negative.  Something is always wrong, I decided to let her out of my life.  Suddenly I have a new friend, from my youth group years ago.  She’s grown up, positive and great to hang around.

Sunday I decided I was ok with having to let go of my church after just starting to attend again.  She left for the same reason I did, politics, bad politics.  It’s not quitting, it’s not getting rid of, but sometimes things change and sometimes you must let go…  so what do you need to let go of????  And what if letting go means getting something better?

~MJ

A week ago today, was the start of Unseminar 6.  What a wonderful weekend it was.  There was so much to learn, so many people to meet, and so many people to connect with again.  My life has truly been blessed to spend time with such great, hopeful and beautiful energy. Unseminar 5 was my first.  Unseminar 6 will not be my last.  Yet I have not done anything.  So I must apologize.

Twitter flows with all of these people from 6 taking massive action as soon as they got home.  I did that last year, and fell on my face, bloodied my lip and banged my knees. Monday afternoon I drove Lynette Patterson, Maggie Muldoon, & Tony Laidig to a Trampoline / Mellow Monday Mastermind.  Tuesday, Maggie & I visited the Alamo, and spent 5 ½ hours driving to Greenville, (east of Dallas).

The past two days I could have worked, but instead my thoughts needed to digest.  And with that, I realize it is time to confess.

Today May 29th is my birthday, my 37th. May 22nd 1993 I got married. His words were I love you, you are pretty, his actions said otherwise.  My friends and family weren’t good enough, and slowly I was cut off.  Soon I sat in silence, while he talked with his dad or his best friend.  They ignored almost anything I said.  He didn’t notice when I almost stopped eating, or that I dropped 25 pounds.

For those who saw me this past weekend, that’s 30 pounds less than what I weigh right now.  There wasn’t a bone that you couldn’t see. He didn’t know that I woke up the day I realized I was 3 months pregnant.  It shocked me, attention maybe once a month and I got pregnant.  My plan became to confirm and then disappear.

But 4 days later on my day off as I looked up a doctor to set up an appointment, I miscarried at home.  Alone.  Because he had slowly cut off my friends and family (they don’t care about you) I had no one to call.  In less than 30 minutes I realized I had been 14 weeks pregnant, I didn’t go to the hospital, I didn’t tell anyone for years.  I told my mom 6 years later.

I decided to make the marriage work, telling him we need counseling.  He called his dad, as he always did. They talked for two hours.  I timed it.  Afterwards he avoided the subject, I stopped talking to him.  Three months later, August 1997, we were divorced.  Six months later he was married again.

In the past 11 years, there have been people who used me, bosses that called me names, people have belittled me, business partners that took my money. Generally my dating consisted of one or two dates, and realizing the guy was not good.  Jerks actually.  Jerks who wanted sex (sorry that’s not me).  Jerks who didn’t like my multiple facets.  One Stalker.

You see, it took 11 years (July 20, 2008) for me to realize that I deserved friends, good, positive, joyful friends.  11 years to see that I am beautiful inside and out.  11 years to say I deserve good things, and I deserve to be treated with love and respect.  (I say this as I sit here crying, and I REALLY hate to cry.)

This weekend I learned I deserve a man, who can respect that I am a geek, treat me like a lady, be willing to play (paint ball, video games or even being silly), and cuddle with me, laugh with me when I say something blond.  Most important a man that loves me, for all that I am, and all that I am not.

Today is May 29, 2009, my 37th birthday.  My first birthday.  No.  I haven’t started a project, or finished one.  No I haven’t bought websites, changed my blog or anything else.

Sorry.

Pat, Bill, Craig, Joe, Ann, Eric, Erica, Lee & Ben I am sorry I have not made vast leaps and bounds after Unseminar6 ended.  I am thankful for everything you have taught me, and will continue to teach me.

But I have not done anything yet.  All I have done was think.  Last weekend, everyone asked what is your niche, what is it you do?  Why?

This is my answer “Helping you find the love within” that’s me.  I’ll spread the word, by being me.  Telling people that I stopped using shampoo a month ago, to reduce chemicals.  I’ve started following my heritage by brewing beer.  This is my love within.  My future means helping you find your love within.

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
MJ

The fourth week of “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” brings us to Faking Positive Thinking.  A special thanks to Simone Blum who helped me decide on a slightly lighter topic for this week. She is a great person to follow on Twitter.

The past two weeks were some of the consequences of negative thinking. The making poor choices, falling into or back into addictions, and suicide are serious problems that negative thinking can bring.

You must make choices that better for you. Making changes for the world is too big. Think positive and light up YOUR WORLD.  But if you think about the people in your world, your family (not necessarily by blood), your friends, your acquaintances and the people whose lives you touch unknown by you, that IS YOUR WORLD.

By thinking negative, you effect not only yourself but everyone in your world. It is ripples in a pond. Ever walk down the street and someone gives you a big smile. Suddenly you find yourself smiling? Those are the ripples in the pond…. or the invisible threads of the spiderweb from last week’s blog.

It is not the big things that make or break the world, it is the small ones. You are having a bad day, everything seems to be going wrong. It is easy to drift into negative thoughts. But as difficult as it seems, that is the time to think positive. If you can’t think of anything to be positive about fake it.

Put on a friendly smile, wear it for a while. It seems the brain can not tell the difference a genuine and fake smile. Either case the brain releases endorphins, serotonin and natural painkillers which work to make you feel better. Turn on your MP3 player or favorite radio station to give your mood a further boost.

Some stresses in life are too big to stop your stress and worry with simple methods. The best solution is then to consciously distract your mind from the current situation. This can be done by watching a favorite happy movie, playing a video game, or breaking from normal routines to do something that keeps your mind active.

Changing your thoughts can give enough time or distance from a situation to either help you forget what caused the negative thoughts or help you see the more positive aspects. Either way you help your perspective and possibly help other people who’s lives you touch in big and small ways. So smile today, even if you don’t mean it. Find the flower growing in the sidewalk and rejoice in it. And “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking.”

Hugs,
MJ

This is the third in the “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” series, and this is the one that I have had the hardest time motivating myself to write. Last week I scratched the surface in dealing with Negative Thoughts and how sometimes those propel us to use unwise solutions. Yet there is a need to further elaborate, which has been my hesitation…

Life sometimes presents challenges that seem greater than we can bear. The news is quick to say how bad the current situation is, truth be told, this is not new and we all go through bad times. Then life seems so unbearable, and some chose a fatal and final decision. That decision can never be undone.

The thought crossed my mind many times over the years, yet ending one life only leaves holes, and hurts, and problems for others. So at various times when I hear of a suicide I grieve for both the ones left behind, and the ones who will never know the value of that life.  In the past weeks I’ve realized how close I stood at that cliff and how important a life is.

Our lives are like spider webs, spreading wide with almost invisible threads, touching more than what we see and more than realized. A suicide is like ripping that spiderweb down, the connections ever changed. Maybe you think your life is small, insignificant. Yet, your family needs you, and is touched in both big and small ways. Your friends see reflections of themselves in your life. Your existence brings joy, comfort and happiness, even when you don’t see it. But your life hardly stops there.

The people who you call acquaintances, who see or hear from you semi-regularly, feel your presence in their routines. While seemingly minor, it isn’t. A mail clerk died last year, while I hated waiting in line, his happiness made the wait pleasant, and I enjoyed his smile and laughter. I didn’t even know his name. While that was a clerk I saw regularly; your life still continues forward, to people you don’t even know.

In 1996, while my then-husband and father in law ignored me, I walked to the fast-food bathroom in deep despair. A lady walked up to me, her eyes darted to their table, and back to me. She touched my hand, and whispered “You deserve better…” she paused until my eyes met hers and then smiled. Three words. No my life didn’t change radically because of those words, but I remembered them, and recalled them many times.

Janelle Kleppin shared a story with me. “I ran into a gal who remembered a song I wrote and sang in church 36 yrs ago; she said it touched her & she never forgot. I had no idea anybody remembered me, let alone remembering my song – she said she still sings it. Blew me away, totally.” Janelle’s life touched someone 36 years prior, and the other lady touches others because of Janelle.

Another friend, told me about former students who hug her and “was just shocked they made the move to hug me in front of the other students . . . tough kids don’t do that . . . emotion is a weakness and you risk getting made fun of if you’re caught doing something like that and risk getting into a fight to defend your rep, but they didn’t care . . . hugging me after six-years meant that much.”

Your life touches people, and those people touch others. And while you may have days where you think your life is unimportant, and that you are so very far from perfect, it’s not true. Let’s Eliminate the Negative Thoughts. Your life touches people near and far, in big and small ways. Your life experiences have created the person you are today, and while you may marvel at the ways someone is better than you… they didn’t have your life experiences in the same way you did. And that is what makes you … the perfect you.

Love,
MJ

Last week I posted Lent can mean Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking, which was the end of that thought… or so I thought. But after chatting with Prince, who has been my sweetheart some 30 odd years, and Martha Giffen I decided to try to keep this thought going week by week until Easter. There are so many ways Negative Thinking seeps into our beings, changing that process can not be done in one week.

Sadly the topic this week has presented itself in multiple ways. A friend is in a women’s shelter. Another friend is dealing with someone’s suicide. Friends have lost jobs. A friend is dealing with the emotional scars from her father.

Growing up, I often heard “Born backwards, always backwards” and how I seemed to make a lot of mistakes, it seemed I could do nothing right. The lessons learned included “do not cry” and “always smile.” They did what they could, and it’s made me who I am.

But as I got older, life got more complicated. The mistakes made were bigger, and to keep anyone from knowing the pain going on, I buried them. But this meant I kept a miscarriage secret from everyone for years. I buried an assault so deep I forgot about it, until 3 months ago, and finally talked about this past week. Yet, I am a strong person, while I appear weak to some right now, it is just my body, mind and soul working past all these things. These things are part of a story I must tell, so I can stand on a soapbox and preach love.

Life is difficult. Life is painful. Life is hard. Yet, look at the other side of the coin. Life is also beautiful. Life is wonderful. Life is love.

The funny thing about a coin. You can’t see both sides at once. When you focus on the dark side of the life, unfortunately all you see is darkness. It becomes easier to see more things going wrong, more things that are painful. Solutions you know won’t end problems seem to make sense. Negative thoughts from the past make those solutions easier.

Yet those solutions typically trade one set of problems for another. Even worse the solutions that wouldn’t normally make sense, wind up hurting others. Avoiding problems as they crop up, does nothing but delay the inevitable.

For years, I didn’t deal with my miscarriage or the reasons why it happened. In that time, I blamed myself for more and more things, and walked an increasingly darker path. This is when I was assaulted, and I buried it all. There were times I stood upon that precipice of which there is no return, that solution would hurt others. So I walked a fine line of self-destruction that could go fairly unnoticed. This built a growing and teetering tower of problems.

Negative thinking is why I didn’t deal with these problems sooner. Negative thinking built the tower ever higher. Finally dealing with the miscarriage in 2003 started this path back toward the light.

Then something happened July 20^th, 2008,  I ended a 5 year relationship and felt the warmth of the sun. Since then the rocks from my teetering tower are falling, and I am having deal with the pain that created them, but I feel the warmth, others say they see me glow.

Here’s the summation of this story. People tell us negative thoughts, they give us negative advice, and more negative. It’s easy to accept these as facts, but they aren’t. The demons you fight today, you can slay. If they seem impossibly huge, then deal with one small demon first. That teetering tower of rocks can be taken down one rock at a time… by you. Take that tower down by finding the love, the hope, the single flower in bloom that gives you joy.

You, yes you. Look in the mirror, all the negative things, all the bad things, all the love, all the hugs, all the smiles given to you, have created that person who is looking at you from the mirror. That person is you, and you are the most beautiful you there is. You are the perfect you.

Love,
MJ

Unfortunately writing of my weekly blog has been a bit weak in the weekly department. But odd is the life of a tax professional, work is all consuming during the end of January and beginning of February. Then it slows, and slows some more to suddenly pick up at the very end.

But that is not the point of this weeks blog. This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, so I went to the service at St Pauls Episcopal Church. Fr Gary gave an interesting lesson, odd in the difference between his and Fr Gordon’s lesson on Sunday. Fr Gordon preached of the doom and gloom of the present economy, the world and other present situations.

Ash Wednesday, with a dust to dust type premise presumed a similar take. Yet Fr Gary took a far different approach, one that made me happy and made me add another Lenten vow. Fr Gary told us that Lent could easily be the Initials for “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking.”

How much of life is actually a result of point of view?

While I was driving my friends to a concert, the lid came off my coffee cup. Coffee spilled in my lap. Yes I did cuss, but that was because I suddenly had a very hot lap! But I watched traffic, pulled off the interstate and parked. I cleaned myself up with a towel from the trunk. Finished driving us to the concert and had a wonderful time.

But it is still easy for me to slip into negative thinking. Unfortunately my parents believed in Murphy’s Law “Anything that can go wrong will” and is branded into my brain. So today, I spent obsessing over my job ending April 15th, about having 2 trips I want to make this summer, both mean almost crossing the country, and someone I care about asked about a secret.

Yet as night fell, I had an urge to log into twitter, with work I haven’t had time. There top of the list was

@spiritcoach PASSIONATELY POSITIVE Radio LIVE NOW w/guest @WendyGYoung! : ) wanna good time? http://budurl.com/Wendy

They talked about ways to make be well, more Passionately Positive. This means focusing on the good things in life, future writing which involves writing your future as you want to see it, and so much more. You can click on the link and listen to the recording.

When the call ended a friend of mine from Facebook; Sherrie, talked to me about the good things in life and other ways to see the secret I had to confess. My twitter stream came alive with people with people I care about, @spiritcoach @WendyGYoung @ccgal and @lynettepatter and they each gave me kind words.

Spirit Coach Stephanie talked to me about Ho O Pono Pono, to help me clear the emotional pain. Lynette Patterson of talked to me about some flexible work. Janelle (CCGal) made me smile!

But by changing to Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking, my whole day changed. So ask you to do something special for Lent, Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking.

Over the course of the summer, the Internet has afforded me to become better friends with people I met at the Unseminar. Funny thing, the Internet it granted entry to people who I might never meet any other way. They live far away from my home, like Lynette Patterson, Stephanie Bell, and Amy Scott Grant, then I met a James McDonald, who actually lives a town over from me.

Now you are wondering what that has to do with Act 2 when I said I was going to review a movie right? Well, James is actually a filmmaker, his website is www.LCAFilms.net. (LCA is Lights Camera Action.) Last year the AFI Dallas, International Film Festival, had chosen his movie, Divine Souls, as the festival’s Special Presentation which played to a sold out audience. Unfortunately I did not know him then, but I wanted to see the movie, after some groveling (ok, I just asked), he sent a copy this week.

On Friday night I snuggled up on the couch, with my faux fur blanket, a glass of Welch’s Sparkling Grape Juice and watched Divine Souls. James was sweet enough to make me promise to give an honest review and not just say “Dude! Great movie!” (Damn it Jim, I’m a writer not a skateboarder! -gratuitous Star Trek semi-quote.)

Divine Souls is an Independent Film; of course, which may be off-putting to some, yet that will be their loss. The movie creates a true to life story of the nurses who work at an AIDS clinic. It actually centers around one nurse in particular, Kerri (Nancy Chartier), whose emotional state is rocked with the cold hard facts of people coming to the clinic to die, and stabilized by the people themselves.

In the beginning you meet Kerri and Stacy, another nurse. Unfortunately this introductory conversation is a bit muffled. This is noticed at two other points, yet these minor sound glitches are easily dismissed.

Not easily dismissed is the the dialogue. Many recent movies have suffered from lack of comfortable conversation. Yet Divine Souls has witty banter, heartfelt discussions and anger have the indulgent feeling of eavesdropping.

This is noticeable while meeting the 9 year old David (Travis Tope). Kerri visits the boy, abandoned at the clinic by his mother, a junkie, who has told him this where you will die. She often leaves David’s room, to go to the break room, where Bob an older patient is often seen. This moments and others make Kerri’s growing attachment to David easily felt.

Lisa, played by Jeffie Legends, is another AIDS patient who was at the hospital. Unknown to cast and crew, was dying from cancer as the movie was filmed; thus the movie was dedicated to her. But her performance and traumas as they are revealed is gripping and emotional.

But life goes on outside the clinic, as Kerri meets a friend and tries to flirt with Gavin, a waiter, at the Bronx, a local hangout. Later, we see her at the Bronx getting drunk, because David is getting worse. Then as her relationship with Gavin grows.

The time progresses with a black out and scene change, it becomes a rhythmic beat. Regrettably some scene changes bring the sad disappearance of another clinic resident. Most touching is the filming angle chosen with David’s loss. Most of the music is from Erin McGrew, with a bit of Pachelbel’s Canon in D played during Kerri’s date.

I highly recommend this movie. However, it’s not available for sell just yet. If you would like to see this movie, please leave a comment below. “The proper authorities” shall be notified.

Since I missed last week and have quite a bit to say, I have decided to write 2 posts. This is “Act 1.” That’s what you readers get when I make friends with a filmmaker.

In April, tax season ended. My 13^th year of rushing around like an idiot, leaving right after walking the dog and getting home to eat a late dinner and crawl into bed, dream of tax returns, awake and start over again.  Please make no mistake, taxes are something I actually enjoy. It’s a hard 3 ½ months spent typing away, but taxes are like a puzzle. The solution looks correct and has the most money coming back or the least taxes owed.

But this year is 14, and I must say I am tired of having money and no time, then time and no money. Finding another seasonal job to match up has not been easy. It was easy when I sold ATVs but that’s been more than a few years ago.

Many summers I have tried to find some other way to make money, this summer was a grand push. In July I attended a seminar with some big names in Internet Marketing, Pat O’Bryan, Tony Laidig, Ben Mack and Joe Vitale.  They discussed their different ways of how they make money. I met people whom I will always remember and always be friends. Martha Giffen, Wendy G Young, Twenty Twenty and Carol Wingert, Kim Burney, and so many more that I can not ignore. And my circle of friends is ever growing from that experience.

In a fury I worked, following the methods taught I created a webpage selling an ebook, and then a monthly membership website. I poured money and time into them, fully hoping and believing that something would happen. Yet it seems that my little seeds were duds, for in five months they have done nothing. With tax season approaching, in despair I slunk off, tail between my legs.

To keep my job, there were classes and tests to take. So I took them, and this week finished up on all the tests, there are more classes to take, but I can take them while at work. Get paid to take classes, nothing better. Well, there is… but I shall get to that.

You see, I failed this summer. I failed to make income enough to support myself without tax season. But this week, reflecting upon tax season, I recall many people I promised to see this year. And the greater realization was that each failure brings me that much closer to success. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas Alva Edison So it is with this. It will not work following other people’s path to Internet success. I have always danced to a different drummer and so this shall be…

Write. Any great book needs an ending, even better to end with another great beginning. So I will work, and while working I will write. Write in free moments, write at night. Write when by the moonlight.

Write blogs, write books, write ebooks. Write about Green Issues, write about life, write about abuse, write about a movie I saw just yesterday… Oh wait that’s Act 2. But I pray in following my heart, the money will follow… my shirt business grows, even unattended, so let the writing be thus and now an intermission until Act 2.

Twenty Twenty suggested that I find a hero. Years ago my hero was Harrison Ford, in some ways he still is. His career launch was due to Harrison installing cabinets in the home of George Lucas. George Lucas cast Harrison in American Graffiti. Then Harrison was again hired as a carpenter to expand George’s office and to read lines for actors in 1975 for the upcoming movie Star Wars.  With that Steven Spielberg insisted on having Harrison Ford be a part of the movie that made his career.

I definitely admire his leaving Hollywood to live on a ranch in Wyoming. He has donated half of his 800 acres to a nature reserve, due to his interest in Environmental issues. Of course my belief in preservation loves that, while part of me is mesmerized by the thought of 400 acres of privacy. Yet at the same time he and Calista Flockhart actually work at a soup kitchen every Thanksgiving. So his helping others, while keeping his personal life private, and his love of flying are all admirable and appealing.

What some of my readers may not know, is I have a pilot’s certificate. (Single Engine Land for pilots) Lessons and plane rentals are expensive so it is not current. However, airplanes have been family attraction for 3 generations on my Dad’s side. So there is still a great affection for those flying beasts.

To my friend James McDonald, a filmaker at LCA Films, Harrison Ford is role model thanks to Raiders of the Lost Ark and other circumstances. Yet I really must think back, actually in all honesty, I had sort of forgotten. Conversations with James, and Twenty’s request that I seek a role model has slowly brought my straying memories back.

In 1980, I was 8 and eagerly awaited Empire Strikes Back. As it was the first release we stood in line outside the theater for quite a while, and I stood beside the poster. For what seemed like hours to an 8 year old girl, I studied that poster. To me it seemed, Luke Skywalker was sort of whiny and whimpy, yet the other girls fawned over him. Han Solo was tough, and manly, the movie proved it as he saved Luke repeatedly.

Then came Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, Return of the Jedi, and after interviews with him I was quite smitten. But being who I am, I must also respect someone to be smitten, which his causes, his lop-sided smile, gentle nature and yet manly persona filled that ticket. Every so often I feel myself give a lop-sided smile that I picked up from watching Harrison.

Now reflecting on all these thoughts, I am proud to claim him as hero again. Yet as I am changing my life, I also want a new hero to affirm those changes. Who better than someone who has revised her life, Angelina Jolie. For years she bore the marks of scary, if not bordering on psycho persona. Wearing all black, frenching her brother, wearing a vial of blood…

Yet now Angelina is a humanitarian, and a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency. She has adopted three children from around the world, and had three others. Some might argue that her foreign adoptions are publicity, I would argue yes it is; for adoptions. She brings publicity to the children who need adopting. Just as I promote blood donation when I donate. Not for my sake, but to get others to JOIN ME.

Angelina also fulls supports Brad Pitt in his promotion of Green Houses and Green Building. They also choose homes that are elegant and stately. But she respects and honors Brad which is admirable.

She now stars in a variety of movies that stretch her mentally and physically. This year, 2008, she has been in Kung Fu Panda, Wanted and Changling, each completely different. While her past may have been questionable, she now presents herself as a lady, even noble. Beautiful, elegant, sexy, a lady, and Brad Pitt treats her as such. Tired of being the tomboy, and having less than noble men, I choose to be a lady and to be treated as such. (Besides I have nice full lips too. And my bottom is none too shabby!)

So Twenty instead of having one hero, I shall have two. Harrison for his conservation, and privacy, Angelina for her being a true woman and her ability to rise above, and both for their love of helping people and their drive to succeed at what’s important to them.

Love

~ MJ