You can read this poem or skip below….

To Watch the video & your mind blow…

You are here! Did you come to see my blog?

Well, my friend I sent you to a closed door.

Quiet simple blog this was, like a pollywog

Change of attitude and look were in store

Me; not fluffy, pink, touchy-feely kind

Stronger, bolder now, this it did for me

Remove the self hate, self love was big find

The world does not know, so the world need see

Think, write, think, write, think, what type view to use?

To introduce this love concept just right

Days in deep thought, with songs of Moody Blues,

Recall the past, future in mind, then ah… insight

Two great tastes that taste great together

Build, code, recode, plugins, widgets and themes

Strange combo became a natural tether

Now time for unfortunate news it seems,

The Blog www.Bluelemonadestand.com/MJSchrader died today. But do not mourn long, because it apparently was a phoenix and is now born anew…

Don’t think that this was the only trick I played…

Click the link or pic below to see the new blog…

http://LoveRockstar.com/Blog

BRIEF POST

Lots to do before the live event starts in 2 and 1/2 hours.

I turned off my computer at 2:48 last night. Trying to finish up a surprise for everyone.  I wish I had another week so I could put the finishing touches, on the surprise and make certain it was bright and spiffy.  But too much of life has passed me by already.

BTW….

When I turned on my Firefox I saw this  http://digg.com/d1xDZu?t Tomorrow I will write a blog about what this means to me…

But for today

I shall see what demons I can vanquish,

today is
The first time I have ever interviewed anyone
The first time I have ever been on Ustream as a host
The first time I have ever been in front of the webcam in public
The first time I have ever hosted a show
The first time I have ever hosted a prize contest
The first time I have ever held a giveaway

And I will be doing 12 hours straight, other than the web-cam will only be on a few hours.

Be ready

Here’s a joke for a change of pace.  Be sure to check out the Mastermind Quiz Mastermind groups are starting soon, and you want to be in the Rockstar Mastermind groups before July 20th.

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.

Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, “But how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?!”

God chuckles, “Jesus saves.”

I wonder… I wonder what life would be like, if we opened our heart and really understood the world around us.  If we opened our mind to the possibility that when we see others as angry, upset or hurt perhaps it has more to do with lack of understanding than the emotion itself.  And if we opened our eyes and our hearts and reached out to others in compassion what would happen?

The first bit of the song below may not seem related, but the whole song is about seeing life and realizing the part we play.

~MJ

The Balance ~ Moody Blues

After he had journeyed,
And his feet were sore,
And he was tired,
He came upon an orange grove
And he rested
And he lay in the cool,
And while he rested, he took to himself an orange and tasted it,
And it was good.
And he felt the earth to his spine,
And he asked, and he saw the tree above him, and the stars,
And the veins in the leaf,
And the light, and the balance.
And he saw magnificent perfection,
Whereon he thought of himself in balance,
And he knew he was.

Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it’s always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it’s always been.
Just open your heart
And that’s a start.

And he thought of those he angered,
For he was not a violent man,
And he thought of those he hurt
For he was not a cruel man
And he thought of those he frightened
For he was not an evil man,
And he understood.
He understood himself.

Upon this he saw that when he was of anger or knew hurt or felt fear,
It was because he was not understanding,
And he learned, compassion.

And with his eye of compassion.
He saw his enemies like unto himself,
And he learned love.
Then, he was answered.

Just open your eyes,
And realize, the way it’s always been.
Just open your mind
And you will find
The way it’s always been.
Just open your heart
And that’s a start.

Covering: Hiding your light, Disappearing Germans, Fear of Rejection (Part 2 of The Hotel Conversation)

Yes, last week was rather a quick list of thoughts that way I could spill my brain and hope that I cover everything that needs to be covered. There are some secrets I learned that I will not be sharing. Sorry. Then there are some secrets I will be sharing.

Soon after a round of hugs, Pat O’Bryan asked, “As my grandmother would say Why do you hide your light beneath a bushel.’” Odd thing for him to say soon after I arrive. Yet, several people have asked me similar questions lately. Like Twenty asked me on Vision Quest Radio, “You’ve got a lot going on inside, tell me some things.” Why don’t you share what is inside you. You are denying the world the story inside of you…

While I was walking Luna the next morning I thought about that repetitious statement. Then a second question came to mind. Pat and Tony Laidig asked where in Germany my dad’s family was from, yet the answer is unknown, although both families came over around the 1900s; Dad’s parents were both born stateside.  They had brothers and sisters born in Germany. Grandad’s parents ran away from Germany, changed their name from Schröeder to Schrader and never looked back. Grandmother’s family claims their German heritage but not a city. Secrets hid for generations.

On my mom’s side things aren’t much better. My Granddaddy had to marry Granny in secret. His mother threw away the engagement ring. Add into the secrets, was an ongoing family tradition of meanness even hatred. When my Grandad died, I didn’t grieve for him. He was cold, and mean, but I grieved the lost connection to my Grandmother, who passed when I was little.

Then I recall that some things are passed generation to generation. Meanness and secrets. The secrets were bred from avoiding hatred and meanness. The black sheep in the family were the ones teaching openness and love.

Pat said to Tony, “I bet you a nickel she fears rejection.” In retrospect, it’s not fear of rejection for me. Rejection has become part of my life, because I was always doing things differently, partly because my brain functions differently (dyslexia).  My two grandmothers debated how I sat on the floor as a 3 year old, one saying I did it incorrectly, the other saying that’s just how she sits. There are family members who think I should never date because I got a divorce. More meanness, more secrets.

I choose to write about love to fight the hatred and meanness. I choose to self publish because I want the independence to say what’s in my heart. I choose to use the writing name of Cierra James to give myself room, because it’s going to take a while to get comfortable with generations of secrets. And I choose to start being more open.

First secret: on my dad’s side, I am third generation German, in that heritage I am learning to brew beer.

Now, I ask for you to leave comments, please share with me:

What is your heritage?
What is your legacy?
How can you share your light?

This is the last “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” post, (at least for a while). Today is purely off the cuff.  No carefully thought out plan of what this blog will cover. Here it is Lent, and my goal is to eliminate negative thinking. Yet, of late anger and deep frustration have been trying to push themselves into my day. So this blog will be about dealing with the “Negative Thinking” that arises from that.

A huge kink was thrown my way Friday, and caused me a great deal of pain. Because of certain situations, finishing my book has been stalled until after April 15th. Bummer because I was nearing completion. But work and my writing are in conflict.

Unfortunately it seems I don’t do enough work, never mind the more work I do, the more I get paid. Since I have plans to travel this summer, income is very important. Try as I might, the German blood in me begins to boil. Anger seeps into my being. Yet, as my blood boils I recall that blind anger is Negative Thinking.

How easy it would be to lash out, yell out my feelings. Another worker brags about her home business with every other client has worked on it at the office. Anything I have done has been done by my co-workers in forms. What I say and do is turned in and turned against me. It’s seems unfair.

Yet, this is part of life. Life is not fair. There are things that make us want to scream, that cause deep frustration, and make your anger flare. The easy route is to embrace those feelings and follow the instincts that follow.

No, I am not sleeping well, haven’t in over two weeks. But as I got called into the office again, my anger flared, and I caught myself. Closed my eyes for a brief moment, and realized “this too shall pass.” It was time to stop, think beyond this moment, and not create more negative thinking.

Follow my temper, then I would feel worse. Management would then be upset. My co-workers could then get into trouble. Then management, my co-workers and I would all go out into the world and spread more negative…

Wait.

That’s not a good thing.

Instead, I will embrace whatever they tell me. Hopefully my last three days of work will be extremely busy. When it’s not busy, I can think about things to write later. Maybe I can get in some reading. This week I will bring in some brownies. Maybe I’ll make some appetizer.

On April 15th I will thank my boss for another tax season. Pay my co-workers compliments. They are wonderful people. There is a great deal of beauty and love inside each of them. Rather than see the negative, I will choose. I choose to see all the wonder, and amazing values each of them brings. So “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” by controlling the anger, frustration and choose to see the positive.

Love
MJ

Yes, another week in Lent brings another “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” blog post. Special thanks to Joan Adams and Lynette Patterson who inspired “Celebrate Moments.” This series ends April 11th, as Lent ends, then just 4 days later my job ends. While it would be easy for me to say I am thinking nothing but positive thoughts about this, that would be a lie.

Work has not been as busy as I need it to be. There have been incidents that make me realize this is not where I need to be. I have had times when I wish this season was already over, yet that leaves me wondering what to do afterwards. The plan is to have a book finished, but it is still not done. Then the question of will enough copies sell to support me over the summer, and grow enough to make a living. Add into the mix my ex-boyfriend owes me money and whines with each minimal payment. Cross country and some shorter trips over the summer are in my plans, which require both time and money. All of these stress my physical and mental health.

Yet, there are numerous blessings, albeit some disquised. There have been some wonderful repeat clients, whom make me want to stay. Work being slower has given me more time to write. While I am not done, I have never gotten this far in writing a book. With the end of season pay and the book finished, I can have time to write another book, or find my way to pay bills. I reunited with someone online who intriques me, although I haven’t yet told him I’d like to meet him again. He lives cross country, so it will surprise him. Not having traveled much, these cross country trips are exciting.

Life is like that. It’s a mixed bag, no life is 100% bad, yet it’s easy to get focused on all the bad things and forget about the good. Then negative thinking multiplies allowing you to focus on more negative. But there are inspirations and great things everywhere, and in the things you do. Inspire yourself, by looking for the good.

Celebrate something large or small that you did that was great. You made a client smile. You finished a project. You helped someone. Give yourself a present, 10 minutes on a video game, 10 minutes of reading for pleasure. “Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking” by finding someway or something to make you think positive. Whisper to someone, even if you have to stare into your own eyes in the mirror, “I love you.” Then Celebrate the beauty in life, reward yourself for the good you bring!

I LOVE YOU!
~ MJ

Nom de Plume, Pseudonym, otra nombres

Okay, so I have started a new blog “More Valuable than Bread” which is written under a different name.

My life is and always will be one that has various layers revealed to various people, with only select few knowing the whole truth. It’s just part of me, part of my life. Only recently have I accepted my own layers.

But Cierra James is a name I created years ago, while picking up ATVs some where in Dallas. While I was driving, I was thinking. Thinking about life, thinking about writing, thinking about my future. Even then I didn’t want everyone knowing all about me, what to write took years to materialize. But now that time is here.

Jim is the name of my mom’s father; my granddaddy. A wise man who lives and loves to the fullest, a man my mom admires and I do as well. He loves his wife of 63 years and still holds her hand. But my mom also loved another Jim, her mom’s father, “Pop.” He died when I was just 2 years old; yet his memory lives on through the stories my mom has told. They are both part of me. And thus the name James is to honor them and the other James and Jims that I know and knew. (James Doohan to name one)

As that decision was made, I was in Mesquite driving I-635 toward Balch Springs. Soon I drove beneath the sign Scyene Road, I liked the name the spelling and it spoke to me, but the feel was not right. Suddenly Sierra came to mind but with a C to make it softer and flow better with James. Cierra James, a soft writer, now a writer of love.

Last month a new name came into existence although the book she will write has been running through my mind for over two years now. This author’s name is Amelia Arthur. A play on words and personal history.

When I was 5, the children’s librarian asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Confidently I answered “A mom, wife, arthur and emergency guy.” ~ I was in love with “Emergency!” That part fell apart two years later when I realized the show was nothing like real emergencies which were far more graphic.

But I stated the first three to her each summer for three summers. Not understanding the difference between “author” and “Arthur” Then a few months ago a friend, Twenty suggested I use it to my advantage as a nom de plume. Wanting to stay feminine, I quickly made into a last name. After trying several names I spied a book I read in my youth, about Amelia Earhart. Being an ex-pilot that name suited. And Amelia Arthur was born, her work “Magnolia Phoenix” will hopefully come into existence late this year.

Two planned book for two authors… life is interesting.

Love,
MJ

Well, this week I have decided to share a laugh, or two, or three. Short version skip to things get interesting.  This is just a funny story that takes time to tell.

Tuesday and Saturday are the only 2 days I am scheduled to work this week. Tuesday was the only day I wanted off this week. Because Tuesday my dog, Luna, was scheduled to go to the Vet to get her teeth cleaned. Tuesday is the only day Tommy can come out and clean my sewer pipe. Mom agrees to come out to the house in case Tommy needs any water from the inside.

As a safety measure she asks, “What does Tommy look like?” I do not recall, it’s been almost 2 years since I have seen him, and he’s a friend of my ex-boyfriend. But ex-boyfriend owes me some favors and Tommy owes him.

So Tuesday morning is beautiful, I wear a thin weight long sleeve shirt as I walk La Luna, it’s about 64 degrees. She can’t have breakfast because she will go under anesthesia while her teeth are cleaned so she is a bit upset. But we soon must leave, she is happy to get in her kennel when it’s in the car, and being a lover of people (& dogs & cats), she’s happy to see the vet staff and cat.

Off to work, go I, with a light weight long sleeve shirt and a slightly heavier shirt to wear over the top; just in case work should be a little cool. I tell my boss I must leave early to pick up my dog. My co-worker doesn’t have a working car, she asks me to drive her to the medical center at lunch so she can drop off some paperwork. No problem I say. Before lunch I call my mom. No answer.

My co-worker says she’s ready to go. She gets out her paperwork, then goes back to get her phone. She lays down her paperwork to get the phone out of purse. Now she’s ready to go, until I say, “Don’t you need that paperwork that’s back on your desk?” We now drive across town a road to somewhere almost between my house and my vet. (Trip 1)

We get back, and check the weather, it seems cooler. I call my mom, no answer, while co-worker and boss check the weather. The temperature is 50. But we might have snow and sleet tonight in Texas, after a 64 degree morning. Tonight expect upper 20s; tomorrow a high in the upper 20s. As time passes we watch the sky grow dark.

Mom calls, the hole in front of my house in the street is my crushed city owned sewer pipe. She wonders if I have the number, no, so mom will call. Eventually 4:10 rolls around, I call the vet to make certain I can pick up Luna. Yes, she’s ready, her teeth are clean and her tail is wagging all over the place. At 4:30, when I am supposed to leave, the bosses thankfully decide to close the place because we have no clients in, and it’s getting dark. So I leave “on time!” HooZah…

NOW THINGS GET INTERESTING!

It’s 4:30, it takes 10 minutes to get to my house. I need to do 2 things before I go home. Get Luna, run in the house, get my water bottles then get water. I used the last of my filtered water this morning, and I forgot to bring my water bottles. Tomorrow is going to be colder, so I need to get water tonight. Will be done with both before 5:15.

It’s now FREEZING (recall my dress) I drive back across town to the vet, I park close. Run in, get Luna, who is wagging all over and ready to leave. This makes it interesting trying to sign the credit slip. I load Luna in her kennel in the back seat.

I call Mom, Luna’s fine. The vet wants me to watch her, age and anesthesia. Mom tells me the city should have already made it out or will in the morning. Great. I am home now. I leave Luna in the car since this won’t take long. So run in grab my jacket, the 5 gallon bottle and 2 one gallon bottles, then drop the one gallon bottles in my rush. All while trying to keep Salem inside. He got in a cat fight last week, had an emergency vet visit Monday, is on antibiotics and is supposed to stay in for a week. He wants out now, but I escape without him. (Trip 2)

Back across town to the best filtered water, the WaterMill. A stand alone station, ironically where the old Hour Photo Stand used to be. I realize I have spent my change and don’t have enough. All I have are a couple of 20s. So I decide to get dinner to get change. I want Arby’s, back near my house. Now the gas is low, now I really need to use the bathroom, so get gas, pull into a space as soon as I am done getting gas. Then to Arby’s.

It’s 5:45. Arby’s is slow, but it smells good. Luna starts thumping her tail in her crate, so I shove 2 fries through the grates. I decide to get water at the Mexican market around the corner from my house. The machine there won’t take my change, that’s when I notice the filter was changed on 11/24. What? Today is is December 9th, that’s over 2 weeks ago!! Watermill changes their filters daily. And it’s cheaper! (Trip 3)

Now back across town to Watermill, again. The wind has picked up. I can’t fill up the 5 gallon and the 2 one gallons at the same time. I get the 5 gallon filled. My hands are bright red. They are glowing in the dark, but I don’t want wet gloves. The one gallons try to blow out while I load the 5 gallons of water (42 lbs), but I load it. Stick 2 more small fries in Luna’s crate. Then I take the one gallons and as I stick money in the machine, the one I put under the nozzle blows off. I chase it down. At this point I start laughing. It starts filling. I go around to the other side to hurry up, the 2nd one blows off the nozzle just as water starts flowing. I miss about 2 cups of water. But finally all water bottles are full (minus 2 cups).

Then drive back across town to my house. Unload the 2 one gallons while unlocking the door, watching for Salem. Leave the door almost closed to retrieve the 5 gallons. Then the food. Leaving Luna for last so no dog underfoot. Let her out, get her kennel. Finally 6:15 I have made it home, just in time for Mom to call, “Did the city come?” “It’s dark, but I see marks on the road but no hole, so I would say no.” (Trip 4).

Yes, now my sewer is fixed. Yes, Luna has clean teeth. Yes, Salem is getting better. And I just found out Lilo, my almost 5 month old kitten that someone dumped is a Maine Coon, rare, very smart, very soft cat. (Said while she is attacking her tail).  Yes that was one weird Tuesday.